Shikamaru's Troubles
by Rodnii
Summary: A list of revenge, written by two incredibly pissed off fangirls. Warning: Not for small children.


Author's Note: My friend (Ivanovna) and I were feeling just a little angry at Shikamaru for blowing Hidan up, so we decided to vent our anger

**Author's Note: My friend (Ivanovna) and I were feeling just a **_**little **_**angry at Shikamaru for blowing Hidan up, so we decided to vent our anger! It's going to list ways that we would like to kill Shikamaru. A few will be crack. Very few. Some things may be graphic, so please be aware that you may be mentally scarred. Especially because we're 13 and 12 years old. :D After all, ****why so serious?!**

Disclaimer: We own nothing except these twisted ideas. Hope you enjoy reading. I, however, bought the contract to Hidan himself on Ebay. Maybe.

Ways to Torture/Kill a Fagface Named Shikamaru

Cover him in fish chum and throw him into shark-infested waters. Enjoy the spectacle.

Throw him to a T-Rex and watch him be devoured alive.

Burn him alive after covering him with gasoline.

Cover him in explosive tags and throw a lit cigarette onto them.

Take a branding iron, heat it, and make a "Shikamaru sucks ass" sign on his forehead.

Stick a pencil to a table, and grab his head and SLAM the fagface's head into it. This is the Joker's magic trick. It makes the pencil disappear, see?

Tie him to a chair and make him listen to the Jonas Brothers songs.

Poke him with a poisoned stick. Hard. Repeatedly.

Shove teddy bear stuffing down his THROAT.

Eat a pot of chili, and fart in his face. Hopefully it will be fatal.

Gag him, put him in leather, and present him before Orochimaru.

Casually push him off the roof of a building. Satisfying "SPLAT" will occur.

Tie him down to a chair and force him to watch "Barney" episodes, except Barney's head was replaced with Orochimaru's.

Tie his hands down, flat, and ram NAILS INTO THEM.

Lock him into a room, release deadly gases into it. Make sure they work SLOWLY.

Tie a noose around his neck and hang him 1 inch above the ground. Enjoy the struggles.

Put a bounty on his head, and casually drop off a "Wanted: Bounty" flyer at the Akatsuki hideout.

Take a piece of paper, give him multiple papercuts, and pour salt into them.

Jab your middle finger into his eyes.

Drop him from a height of 2,000 feet and listen to his screams.

Set up a row of broken glass bottles, the sharp ends pointing up. Slam him down on them.

Force him to dig a pit-fall trap. Fill it with tacks. Push him into it.

Drug him and when he's unconscious, implant a bomb inside of him. When he wakes up, blow him up in front of his friends.

Take him to the beach, put him in a hole, cover him up to his head and wait for high tide.

Castrate him.

Make him watch his friends die, and then be forced to eat them.

Let Hidan and Kakuzu torture him.

Force him to cross the desert without any water, but attach an Ipod to him that plays water sounds.

Play darts with him. Make him the target.

Rip his hair from his head and then pour lemon juice on it.

Pluck out his eyelashes, and force him to eat them.

Cut off his lips.

Disembowel him while he's alive and watching.

Shove a large object up his ass.

Whip him with a barbed whip.

Let Hidan offer him as a sacrifice to Jashin, if the zealot feels like it.

Shove him into electric wire.

Continually shock him with static electricity until he dies.

Inject him with a flesh eating disease.

Tie his limbs to horses. Let the horses run in 4 different directions.

Put him up at the guillotine. Make sure the job is only half done.

Pluck out all of his hair, one by one.

Put him in a bathtub. Drop a plugged-in toaster.

Strip him and shove him into the waiting arms of gay pedophiles.

Make him touch dry ice.

Shove him into a pit full of poisonous arrow-head frogs.

Make him be constricted by an Anaconda

Put him in a vat with jellyfish.

Shove him into a volcano.

Give him to hungry Hyenas.

Let the Joker have his way with him.

Repeatedly slam a door on his head or in his face.

Lock him in a room with six horny, naked, and gay Peins.

Drop him into the middle of the Arctic Ocean.

Bitch slap him. Repeatedly. Then kick him in the nuts. Repeatedly.

Make him drive a car. Then detonate the car bomb inside of it.

Rig a ride at an amusement park. Make sure he is the first to ride it. Watch as he falls, screaming, to his death.

At an agonizingly slow pace, slit his throat, centimeter by centimeter.

Drown him, by tying weights to him and shoving him into a lake or river or something.

Shove a live squid down his throat.

Squirt pepper spray into his eyes.

Push him into a termite nest. The biting kind.

Force him to drink rubbing alcohol. Watch as he throws up.

Make him watch soap operas from the 1940's and lower.

Make him succumb to Itachi's Mangekyo.

Burn various parts of his body, and freeze others.

Break his limbs one by one.

Break his nose over and over again by punching him in the face. Good for stress relief.

Make his finger get caught inside an escalator.

Rip off his fingernails, one by one.

Take a razor and "accidentally" cut him multiple times.

Make him read this list.

Stone him. With VERY large boulders. But make it slow. One at a time.

Cut off his toes and fingers. Make him EAT THEM.

Tie his hand down, and smash a sharp rock repeatedly into it. Repeat with other hand.

Take away his ninja powers. Then let's see him use those cheap ass tricks against godly Hidan.

Make him crossdress and put him into a pageant. Or a strip club. Same difference.

Make him watch his beloved Nara deer die horrible deaths, like the ones mentioned above.

Record SpongeBob laughing, and play it in his ear over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over….

Make him stick his hands through pieces of pinwheel shaped metal. When he tries to pull his hands out, they will be cut off.

Make random long cuts along his body. Like his thigh, arms, torso, etc. Let them bleed, and pour vinegar into the wounds.

Get Kakuzu to sew his mouth shut.

Shove his cigarettes up his nose.

Get a hot glue gun, and pour the hot glue into his mouth and force him to swallow.

Have his entire body waxed.

Make him read yaoi lemons of himself and other guys. Bonus if he's uke.

Have Sai tell the same penis jokes repeatedly to him.

Cover him in meaty slabs of meat, and chuck him in a lion pit.

Throw him into a mosh pit. See if he lives. (If he does, we'll shoot him to make sure he dies.)

Turn him into a pig, and walk him around the town. Make sure everyone knows he's Fagface (Shikamaru).

Shove his hands into a paper shredder.

Cover him in cement. Let it harden.

Make Naruto go Kyuubi on his ass. Make sure there is sadistic torture involved.

Rip open his rib cage. Pierce one of his lungs and watch as he struggles to breathe.

While you are doing 94, repeatedly poke his heart.

Shove a lampshade on his head and push him out onto a busy street.

Slowly take his eyes right out of his head.

Take hold of his upper and lower jaws. Yank apart forcefully, until you hear a satisfying crack or crunch.

Put him in a snowglobe and shake it up constantly.

Strap him down to a table. Open up his front, and pull out anything you feel like. Make sure it is slow and brutal. Do not completely sever the ties to the body, rather, re-arrange his organs.

And, to top it off, knock his teeth out. Just for the heck of it.

**We were feeling a bit angry. Just a **_**bit.**_** :D**

**I really couldn't care less if you flame. I will be surprised if anyone actually reads the entire list.**

**Another note: Shikamaru fans, SCREW YOU. You obviously can't appreciate characters that actually MATTER. Like Hidan and Kakuzu. They are hot, and do not look like they wear pineapples on their heads. Seriously. And one more thing: Shikamaru fans, we **_**want **_**you to flame. So go ahead- flame us. Seriously.**


End file.
